Day Two of “The 21-Day Relationship Reset Challenge” will encourage you to take a deeper look at how you resolve conflict, as well as to consider whether the way you understand, manage, and resolve the conflicts that arise between you and your significant other perpetuate an underlying pattern of dysfunction that threaten the stability of your relationship.
Conflict resolution can be defined in many ways, depending on the spark that ignited the conflict; and, there are just as many strategies that you can use to resolve the conflict. For the purposes of this challenge, conflict resolution will be defined as a way for two or more parties to work together in pursuit of a peaceful solution to settle any disagreement that arises between them.
Establishing New Norms Around Conflict Resolution
In other words, the key to resolving conflict begins with a desire to work with the person you’re in disagreement with to achieve resolution. Without that desire, your efforts to work toward solving the problem will be sabotaged by your inability to see beyond your perspective in the situation, which will limit your ability to accept the other person’s point-of-view and to understand why that person feels the way they do about the subject that ignited the disagreement in the first place.
That’s why it’s so important for you to recognize how you resolve conflict in your relationship; especially if you believe that you’re not part of the problem. If, whenever you find yourself in a disagreement with your significant other you either:
- find yourself being dismissive of the concerns being raised;
- place the blame for the conflict on your significant other;
- become unwilling to accept responsibility for how your actions contributed to the disagreement; or,
- you become overly loud, boisterous, disrespectful, etc., as you stonewall your way through the confrontation, you need to reset the way you resolve conflict.
Yes—you can change your conflict resolution default settings. All you have to do is recognize the pattern of behavior that you default to whenever you find yourself in conflict with your significant other, accept responsibility for how your actions contributed to the conflict, then hold yourself accountable for changing how you react and respond during all phases of the confrontation.
As you begin to think differently about the way you resolve conflict, your challenge will be to shift the way you think about the purpose for conflict in your relationship. Conflict arises whenever there’s a breakdown in the communication process, and the disagreement always present an opportunity to learn how to strengthen not only communication between you and your significant other, but also your relationship, overall.
When you find yourself in conflict with your significant other, take a moment to “check-in” with yourself before you do or say something in the heat-of-the-moment that could cause irreparable damage to your relationship. During your “check-in,” try to identify what led to the conflict and how your actions could’ve contributed to the disagreement. Then, try to understand your significant other’s perspective on what led to the conflict.
Once you understand the differing perspectives around the conflict, shift the focus from the feelings and emotions attached to the perspectives by suggesting possible solutions, based on the perspectives as expressed. Then, you’ll be able to get to a place of agreement about the nature of the conflict so that you can work toward resolving the problem.
If you want to see and experience change in this area, you must be willing to do the work of improving how you handle, manage, and understand conflict. Then, allow everything that you learned about how your resolve conflict to guide you through the process of setting appropriate goals to help you remain consistent in your efforts to honor your commitment to this process. This consistency will go a long way to help you resolve conflicts before they arise.
The third topic will be introduced on January 3rd, so be sure to subscribe to TheWifeFiles and to follow us on all social media @TheWifeFiles so that you can follow along until the end of the challenge. We look forward to connecting with you.
Thank you for accepting this challenge!
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