WifeCode Principle #5: “Protect.”

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dreamstime_xxl_89891625Regardless of how long you’ve been married, you can trust and believe that there will come a point in your marriage when some outside force will try to penetrate the foundation that you and your husband worked so hard to fortify.

That’s why us wives, must remain vigilant against these ill-intentioned foes because they can and will assume many forms. That’s what makes them so tricky to identify because, like chameleons, they find a way to blend into the surroundings of our lives so that they can wreak havoc and stir up turmoil before they move-on…all while we’re left trying to figure out the source of the chaos and confusion.

These masters of disguise will present themselves in many forms; however, their purpose always remains the same—to take or destroy what you have because they want it for themselves. Whatever the motive that drives those outside forces, the end-result is always the same. So, what’s a wife to do to combat these outside forces, and how does she go about protecting her marriage from them? These questions bring us to the Fifth Principle of The WifeCode, which is simply to protect your marriage with ALL diligence by keeping your matrimonial business within your marriage.

Eliminate Outside Distractions in Your Marriage

As wives, it is important for us to understand that our ability to maintain the balance of power in our marriages and in our relationships with our husbands is contingent upon our ability to eliminate anything that threatens the foundation upon which our marriages are built.

In other words, we must be willing to identify and eliminate anything that comes against our marriages to create dissention in our relationships with our husbands; recognizing that we are the only ones with the power to weed-out distractions before they take root and sprout strife and chaos.

This is what it all boils down to—you and your HUSBAND worked hard to build what YOU have together; I repeat, you and YOUR HUSBAND worked to build what you have TOGETHER…not you and other forces outside of your marriage like you and your BFF…not you and “Sister Super-Christian” from church…not you and your mother…not you and your sister…not you and anyone else other than your husband put in the time, energy, and effort to lay the foundation upon which your marriage is built.

So, why would you allow anyone or anything to come into your marriage that: (1) does not directly contribute to the success of your marriage; (2) that does not directly contribute to the happiness of your marriage; (3) that does not directly contribute to the intimacy of your marriage; and, (4) does not contribute to your marriage in any real, meaningful way threaten what you have?

You might not even recognize the outside forces when they show up knocking on the door of your marriage because they could come disguised as the caring friend who always lends a sympathetic ear as you talk about everything that’s going wrong in your life or as the bottle of wine that you find yourself reaching for every time a problem arises in your life.

Key Take-Away

If you can hear the forces knocking, here’s the most important thing you can do to keep those forces from entering your house and wreaking enough havoc to penetrate the foundation of your marriage—NEVER DISCUSS YOUR MATRIMONIAL BUSINESS WITH ANYONE OTHER THAN YOUR HUSBAND! In other words, keep your private life…i.e. the intimate life that live WITH your husband…private as your marriage should ALWAYS be off-limits as a topic of discussion between you and anyone other than your husband.

Ladies, this is the most fool-proof way to protect your marriage.  As wives, we must do a better job of NOT discussing any aspect of our marriage with anyone outside of our marriages.  That’s it…that’s all…it REALLY is that simple.  That’s the best way to close the information loop between what’s happening in our marital situations and the outside forces that are waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce.

The truth of the matter is that no one outside of your marriage can fix the problems that happen in your marriage EXCEPT for you and the person you’re married to.  Every time you discuss the problems happening in your marriage in real time with someone other than your husband, you surrender certain aspects of your power as a wife—aspects that affect your credibility with your husband, which can be hard to regain, depending on the information disclosed and to whom.

Unless you and your husband are experiencing problems that require a level of intervention that, other than God himself, only a licensed, certified counseling professional can provide, you shouldn’t go around telling your matrimonial business to anyone who will listen! You must know that everyone with whom you are associated does NOT have your best interest at heart.

In fact, some of those folks may be secretly plotting to take you out altogether in hopes to claim your position, and you’re steadily giving them everything they need to do just that. Remember, loose lips sink ships, so don’t let your mouth be the reason why the ship that is your marriage starts taking on water.

And with that, we’ve come to the Sixth Principle of The WifeCode, which will focus on the importance of maintaining balance in your marriage.  In the meantime, keep the conversation going.

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