WifeCode Principle #4: “Appreciate.”

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dreamstime_xxl_95164882It’s been said that people will forget what you said and what you did; but, they will never forget how you made them feel.  Think about that for a moment. Then, take a moment to consider those times in your life when you were moved by what someone said to you, be it good or bad.  Then, take another moment to consider those times in your life when you were moved by what someone did for you.  And then, take another moment to consider those times in your life when you were moved by how someone made you feel.

If we’re honest with ourselves, those moments that immediately rise to the forefront of our thoughts are almost always associated with a feeling.  Now, flip your thought process, and take a moment to consider how you make the people in your life feel.  What do you think they’ll say?  What types of feelings do you think people feel as a result of their association with you?  Wives, this is a very important question for us to consider, particularly when we think about how we make our husbands feel.  Why?  Because out of all the people connected to us, HE should be the one person whose feelings matters most.

Up to this point in The WifeCode, we’ve addressed the importance of establishing healthy patterns of communication, learning how to fight fair, and the importance of serving our husbands.  Now, it’s time for us to have a real, candid conversation about how we handle our husbands’ needs, which are intrinsically tied to how we make them feel.  This thought brings us to the Fourth Principle of The WifeCode, which is all about the importance of showing our husbands how much we care about them by expressing our appreciation to them.

You Can Show Him Better Than You Can Tell Him 

Yes, ladies—there IS something that our husbands need to receive from us to make them feel secure, and they need this MORE than anything else that we can give…even sex.  That thing is APPRECIATION.  Men need to feel appreciated, just as much as they need to feel that they’re needed. That probably sound a bit contradictory because love is often expressed through acts intended to show that appreciation.  As wives, we must be mindful to recognize that there IS a difference between the act of loving and the act of expressing love.  We sometimes stumble with the latter because we assume that the act of loving automatically covers the act of expressing love as appreciation, when in reality, it doesn’t.

So, wives, how do we show our husbands how much we appreciate them?   Here are three quick ways…

  1. In Word—Never underestimate the power of saying “thank you.” Don’t allow yourself to reach a place of comfort in your relationship with your husband where you become complacent and passive in recognizing his efforts to sustain your marriage.  Saying “thank you” not only tells your husband that you appreciate the things that he does to sustain your marriage, it also tells him that you see him and that you care.


  1. In Deed—Make more of an effort to DO things that show your husband how much you appreciate him. Whether you cook his favorite meal or leave him alone to watch the big game without interrupting him, as wives, we must figure out new ways to show our husbands how much they mean to us.  We must be willing to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to go out on a limb and find creative and meaningful ways show our husbands how much we appreciate everything they do for us as we work together to sustain our marriages.


  1. In ActionActions will always speak louder than words, which is why it’s so important for us wives to understand that words and actions should work in-tandem with each other in every aspect of maintaining a strong relationship with our husbands. It’s not enough for us to tell our husbands that we love them if our actions toward them aren’t in alignment with what we say.  We must get into the habit of following-up our words with actions that reinforce the words we use to show our husbands how much we appreciate them.  When our words become inconsistent with our actions, we leave the door open for our husbands to welcome and entertain questions about our intentions, which isn’t a good thing.


And that’s it!  Stay tuned for the Fifth Principle of The WifeCode, which will focus on the importance of keeping your matrimonial business within your marriage.  In the meantime, keep the conversation going. Join TheWifeFiles e-mail list today to receive each principle directly in your inbox as soon as it’s released!  Thank you in advance for subscribing, as well as for following.

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2 thoughts on “WifeCode Principle #4: “Appreciate.”

  1. This is really uplifting. Nothing inspires a man as when you appreciate him. They literally thrive on appreciation, encouragement and affirmation!! 👏👏👏Good job

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